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It's a new season

raquelita is seven months. mateo is three years old.

i’m a mom of two and i’m still trying to process that, but it’s definitely a beautiful and powerful feeling.

it’s a constant battle of trying to be the best mom i can be for them and being the best angela i can be for myself. as i’m living in a new season, it’s nice to know that each day is a new start.

i think i’m in a place right now where i’m seeing a lot and feeling a lot. kinda like i’m being over-exposed to everything around me, and i’m not sure if God wants me to use that as a way to communicate with Him more or be able to slow down my emotions and pause instead spinning out of control. probably both, right?

it’s almost like when you’re learning so much of what’s around you and you don’t know what to do with it. like how can i use the knowledge that i now have? do i share it instantly or do i pray on it and make sure it’s expressed the right way?

i also finally decided to use the ipad kai bought me for mother’s day. definitely a creative outlet and it’s letting me unplug from whatever is going on at home or in the world. art has been a big part of my life and it was put on pause for a few years when i had my babies, but better late than ever. if anyone is interested in doodling or creating whatever comes to mind, procreate is my favorite app to use.

this summer was busy for kai and i, but i’m happy it went by fast. summer isn’t my favorite. it’s my least favorite season, so i was excited when it turned september. i knew once september started, mateo was gonna grow up on me and a new chapter was going to start. i usually don’t know what the chapter consists of, but it’s nice to know God gives me a new beginning. i also bought more books to read and i’m so ready for those.

some of the books i bought:
a hunger for god - john piper
so send i you - oswald chambers
studies in the sermon on the mount - oswald chambers
+ a couple of more devotionals that i’ve been reading whenever i have an urge to

i think when i have this feeling in my life where i want to continue what i was doing and also deal with being overly emotional and like i said “overexposed,” it’s nice to know that God doesn’t change, ya know? like even if i feel sorta uneasy about myself, i know God remains. so i’m hoping this post doesn’t sound all over the place, but at the same time, this is pretty normal. we all have our days or moments or even months.

it’s a nice way to rediscover myself. like i told kai, it almost feels like i have to reinvent myself right now in my life. like God is urging me to do that and i’ve definitely felt that this past few weeks. from a lot of changes at our church to finally embracing being a mom of 2, God doesn’t want me to stay the same forever. He demands the renewing in me and i’m glad there is such thing. i want to observe my emotions instead of drown in them and i’m recognizing a lot of growth in me too, which is awesome.

change is inevitable in life.
when we decide to go about it with God’s pace and not ours, it’ll make more sense each day.

Fourth Trimester