these last couple of months with you have been some of the most relaxing and bittersweet moments while we wait for your baby sister to arrive. part of me is sad because it won’t be just you and me anymore, cuddling before a nap or eating cheerios together. the other part of me is happy because you’ll have a sister to play with, someone to bond with and grow with. i thank God for you, Mateo, every single day. i pray for you and your health. i pray for your sister and her arrival. i pray that you both get along well and get equal amount of time and love with me. you have taught me so much of myself. you continue to show me how impatient and harsh i can be and those moments of conviction lead me to God, asking Him for more patience, kindness, and gracefulness for you and for anyone around me. i can say i’m sorry for all of the times i grew frustrated for the messes you made, for all of the times you were simply being a child, a toddler. you’re constantly growing and developing. you’re learning so much and God has shown me how much of a child i can be towards Him as well. there’s so much truth to having a “childlike faith.” Teo, you depend on me because i’m your mother. you reach for my arms to pick you up. you pull on my shirt when you need attention. you poke my face when you want me to wake up. you crawl into bed with me when you’re tired or fussy. all of those things, i do as well with God. you have displayed in the most simple way the dependence that i also have in Jesus. the look on your face when i start singing your favorite songs is priceless. you love music, just like your daddy. you have the most incredible rhythm and you’re always on beat, especially to your daddy’s music. you have experienced so much as daddy took you on tour with us, flying on who knows how many planes. i’ve had the privilege to experience life with you in adventurous ways. i’ve had moments of panic and fear as a mother, seeing you fall or become ill. whatever life throws at you, i pray that i’m able to rely on God’s mercy and grace to see you through it. i ask Him to bless you with God-fearing heart, that you aren’t led astray. i can’t wait to have those deep conversations about God with you, letting you know how He transformed my life, from chaos to peace. Mateo, when your little sister arrives, i want you to know that you were my first and biggest love. i will love you both with all of my heart. i know i’ll be exhausted and adjusting when she’s here, and it won’t be the same with just us two, but there’s so much beauty in that. i’m excited for those moments. i’m excited to feel exhausted and uncomfortable, that’s where God helps me. that’s where i’m able to prove to myself that as a mom of two, i can do it through His strength and power.
“Here’s the humbling conclusion that God, in grace, led me to: I am more like my children than unlike them - and so are you. The reality is that there are few struggles in the lives of my children that aren’t in my life as well (materialism, relationships, wanting my own way, attraction to the world, subtle idolatries, etc.) This admission transformed my parenting. Instead of approaching them with self-righteous outrage, I moved toward them as a sinner in need of grace needing to confront a sinner in need of grace. God’s plan is to make His invisible grace visible to children by sending parents of grace to give to children who need grace. And parents who know they need grace tend to want to give grace to children who are just like them. If you blame your children for your bad attitudes, actions, and words, not only will you embitter them, but in blaming them, you will fail to reach out for the help that is yours in the rescuing, forgiving, and transforming grace of Jesus.” - Parenting by Paul David Tripp