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a couple of weeks ago, i asked kai what we accomplished in 2018. i felt like i didn’t do anything or went anywhere. that made me realize how i have such high expectations for myself that i wasn’t seeing how much God blessed me/us with His perfect timing and faithfulness. i didn’t think about how teo and i toured with kai in a bus across the US, i didn’t think about how much traveling we did, how many flights or ubers we were in. i didn’t think about how i got pregnant. i guess i just didn’t slow myself down and really think about this past year with a grateful outlook. i think i talked about that before on my blog - how i’m always trying to push myself to do more and to feel more when in reality, God really wants me to slow down and take each day with a slow and consistent pace. tomorrow isn’t promised and the bible clearly states that.

let me create a list of some important moments that happened this year. i’ll pick one moment from each month, or at least try because i swear this year flew by way too fast!

jan - the church that kai and i planted with an amazing group of friends started gathering in a new location in beacon hill, SEA. we are His church. praise God!
feb - anticipating kai’s album release, teo and i flew to MI to be with family, and kai spent a week away in brazil, preparing and working.
mar - after years of patience and perseverance, kai released ITCO in the most special way. on my birthday too. :)
apr - we gathered back home in SEA and my family joined us for a much needed relaxed spring break.
may - ITCO tour started. kai encouraged me to join him, so teo and i did! that was such a big leap for me because ya’ll know i’m a homebody and i love comfort. God was like, “nah, you goin.”
jun - i found out i was pregnant, kai and i were overjoyed. teo was like, “don’t know/don’t care.”
jul - k, nothing fun about this month tbh. kai left for europe. nausea kicked in while taking care of a toddler + SEA’s nasty heat wave.
aug - knowing this was the last month of summer, i was ecstatic for fall weather and for the first trimester to finish. God placed a huge relief in my heart knowing that seasons change and time is on His side.
sept - teo turns 2. he's gonna be a big brother and i realized how much of a “test baby” he was for me. i asked God to guide me through motherhood with His strength and grace.
oct - we’re having a girl! knowing that mateo was gonna have a little sister humbled me so much. i get to prepare and let God show me how to mother my daughter. different dynamics with two kids. kai and i brought that news to MI, where we spent most of the month.
nov - finally! back home, no flights and no traveling. 20+ weeks pregnant. we get to settle in and prepare for baby.
dec - this was the month where i pat myself on the back, knowing how much kai and i accomplished together. at first, i questioned it. did i do anything? did i reach a new level of success? and the answer is … well, yes and no.

slowing down and being kinder to myself is my motto for 2019. that’s what God placed on my heart. i’m gonna be a mother of 2. that’s something that i’m terrified, but spiritually ready for. my definition of motherhood needs to be defined by God. my principals and values need to be guided by the Spirit. more grace and patience needs to flow through me from Jesus. i want my desires to not overcome the plans God has for me. if He created me in His image, i want to be His canvas.

a new year comes and goes.
you can have a list full of what you want to accomplish. and let’s say you did accomplish it, great!
but no career, no person, no relationship/friendship, nothing will satisfy the soul the way Jesus does.

“Nothing teaches us about the preciousness of the Creator as much as when we learn the emptiness of everything else.” - Charles Spurgeon

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