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Patience, Privacy, & Love

The point of this blog post is something I wanted to talk about for awhile and I always get questions by strangers like, "How does it feel to have a husband that's a producer and travels a lot during the year?" "How do you do it?" "Don't you get lonely? I couldn't do that!" I'll get into that in a minute because I have other things to talk about! Cool things, lol.

The trip to DC was interesting and fun. We took a flight straight to DC both ways and it was about 4-5 hours long. I was pretty nervous for obvious reasons, I just don't like long flights. The trip went by kind of fast and it was cold/a little humid/windy/etc in DC. I've never been and I'm not sure how I feel about DC, lol. Does that sound rude? I don't know, I just didn't like the vibe. Maybe I just didn't like the cold... It's been really hot in Seattle, nice weather, so it was annoying feeling the cold air. The festival was okay, decent. I expected Kai to perform well and he did, I expected my sister to get really excited to meet Anderson .Paak and she did, but other than that, all I enjoyed was Kai bringing out Xavier (SPZRKT) and D (Goldlink). Kai did a couple of interviews while I was eating my life away. I was super hungry the entire time. I think I ate like 20 chicken wings. Wings never fill me up, tbh. 

What kind of went down hill after Kai's performance was the fact that Future didn't want anyone in the VIP area of the festival, so he kicked everyone out. I mean, if you have the money and power to do that- why wouldn't you, so I understand that part, but lol. Kai could've done the same thing honestly. His name was on the flyer just like Future was, so I didn't understand the point of that. The festival workers were extremely apologetic about it, which I respected and they were also confused on why things weren't working out well as festival was ending. 

But anyway. It was nice being away from home for a little bit.

I've read a couple of comments that people leave me on my blog asking me how my life is when Kai is gone and how do I handle him traveling so much. I get it a ton when I go to his shows and meet his fans. It's not as overwhelming as people make it seem. It's something that I've been dealing with even before he was known as Sango. When we first started dating in 2011, he was only a sophomore in college and I was a freshman. He went to school about an hour away and I dealt with that for 5 years. The majority of that time, we both didn't have cars. We both got our cars around the same time in late 2013 and started to work a lot. We were planning our wedding in 2014 and finally got married in 2015. We never lived together when we dated, we saw each other every 2-3 weeks only during the weekends and more often towards the end of 2014. Even when he was in school, he would leave to Europe for a weekend when he could've came home, but he had to work.

It's something I grew accustom to. In summer 2014, he left to Australia for 4 1/2 weeks, came home for a week or two and then left again for 3 weeks to Europe. Obviously I still miss him when he's gone, but the distance helps us miss each other and appreciate each other more. I'm happy that I've helped him through his career and also helped him realize that some people will only come into his life to steal what he's built and use it as their own. Inspiration can turn into imitation. Kai and I were talking about this a few weeks back. As he grows as a producer, we've encountered people who show us their true colors- so we grow together, watching each other's back, and give our marriage to God so He can help us navigate through this life He gave us. That's why we are very close and that's what makes us one. Some people might look at me and think, "Wow you have it so easy. You get to stay at home and do whatever you want while your husband works." Well, you know what they say, behind every successful man is a woman. I like to keep my life as private as possible and my marriage as well, so everything that Kai and I learned as a couple was because of our faith in God. I didn't choose to marry a man like Kai. I didn't wake up one day and say, "I'm gonna marry someone who's gonna be successful in the music industry and become a stay-at-home wife/mother!" I wanted to marry the man God wanted me to marry. I put away my list that I wanted in a man. My favorite quote by C.S. Lewis:

"You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another."
(The Four Loves)

Also, it takes a lot of patience. A LOT of patience. We left our comfort zone, our family, what we know so well, to move to Seattle so we could have something new and exciting to look forward to. It's something I'm still getting used to. I don't know if this counts as a hobby, but being with my family the majority of my days was my hobby for years, lol! I loved being around them, we're all so close to each other, and have experienced everything together. Not seeing them everyday is painful, but I want to be able to learn with my husband without the help of family. Not saying we can't accept help from family, but we left the nest we were comfortable in with the support of our families.

Recently, I read an article that talked about the state of loneliness, "If you feel lonely, then you're in bad company." That's a quote I'm still trying to figure out because I don't 100% agree with it, but I do know where it's coming from. There are certain days where I don't know what to do with myself when Kai's gone. I love living life with him. He's my best friend, but that's when God is giving me the chance to rediscover myself. He's pushing me to step out of the bubble I've been in for a VERY long time and I'm yelling when I say "VERY." I don't have a lot of friends and I like to keep it that way. Kai's my friend. My sisters are my friends. My parents are my friends. Amy's my friend, but I honestly can't go any further than that and I'm sure there's people that agree with me on that.

How do I do it? I don't, honestly. God helps me everyday. Do I get lonely? Of course, but loneliness isn't something to be afraid of. How does it feel to have a husband as a producer that travels so much? Well, it's not like he can stop doing what he loves just because I miss him while he's gone. I don't know how to describe it though. How does it feel? I'm not sure, but I love him more everyday as he works hard for us and that's all that matters. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. We understand each other. We get each other. Without trust and love, what do you have?

Bits of advice just because

Bits of advice just because